Recoil

Deviation by: Ladyfish

Listening to: 3 Libras - A Perfect Circle

Moik: Its all good...

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Alright. I'm a bit numb but completely out of concentration is kinda new to my system so bear with me. So how do I begin another tragic tale of absolute breakdown? With a smile of course. =,)

I guess I should have adapted to it by now. The crushing defeat I mean. But I dont thing I ever will. Hell, I dont think anyone could for that matter. The abrupt wave of disappointment coupled with the piercing realization that all was for naught. The sickening hangover that follows the next sunrise and leaves you retarded for the rest of the day. Like all conditions it'll teasingly linger for a while till it finally passes. Nothing compares to this and nothing ever will.

On the recoil is the most confused state I'll ever be. Imagain yourself struggling to make it to a feast of dreamfood and remember all the hardwork and sacrifices you had to make to get there.

Now visualize you being dragged away from that buffet. Struggling to get back to the table as forces beyond your comprehension slowly pull you away. Desperately scrambling your mind for a way to get loose. Sadly wondering to yourself what it could've tasted like. What it could've felt like...

A light. A good sprint. And I was somehow able to shake of the worst of it.

Its funny at first. The bitter irony of how I'm experienced at wordplay. What I confidently say to people. How I cockily advise them with all the wisdom I could dig up. The way I'm able to clearly relay my thoughts and how I'm unable to do so to myself. Unable to relieve myself of the nauseating noise and heartfelt supernova's going off in my mind. The painful booms chaining off in my chest. Its not funny anymore.

I point at the mirror and examine the way the reflection points back. How its silently blaming myself for this weak situation I'm in. Quietly naming out the reasons for this unexpected failure. Crying on the inside for involving it in my tradegy. Weird, yes. Insightful, definitely.

Heh, well...

Went out for an hour over to Junjun's for a talk over a game of chess. Lost 2 times straight. Distracted. But I knew that guy would pull through for me. Him and his sister sured cleared that smog polluting my gut. Sigh, good friends.

To the callous and cautions I wish them strength and urge them to take the opportunity when they come to the leaps of faith in their lives.

To the daredevils and riskbreakers I salute their eagerness and wish them more fun in their thrill seeking.

To everyone else, well, there IS no everyone else. Its either your chilling on the safe side or riding the fire enjoying the fleeting euphoria.

Me? This is the time I usually tuck my head back into my shell and wait for someone to pick me up to take a peek. But right now? I'll be holding my head up high because I've grown out of being destroyed. Chin up is the way to go!

I'm sure I'll recoil soon enough. Not like this is the first time it happened.

Cheers mates! Remember that not everything in the world is fucked up and cold :)

Friends

Pic. edited by: Seraph_Keesha

Listening too: How to save a life - The Fray

Moik: I'd hit every-damn-one of 'em

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Okay. So what sort of faggoty escapade of a post am I up too now? A simple faggoty escapade of post is what! So lets get to it. Those three guys in with me in that picture? Their my best friends. People who I'd lay my life on the line for. People who without their involvement in my miserable life would've left me emoishly empty. But hell, that would'nt stop me from kicking each of their balls in. Bastards.

Lemme give a quick describe on each of these idiots. From right to left.

Francis Canlas: I call him Las. Genius at everything. Bully. Selfish. My big brother.

David 'Junjun' Or: Cheeky. Smooth talker. Competitive. Stubborn. Bored. My rival.

Tyron Teylan: Weirdo. Vice made human. Chick magnet. My bestfriend. My Yin brother.

Yep, those kids mean the world to me. As Teej would say it, 'Family. Friends. Women. Self.'. Wait a minute, why the hell am I making a ghey post like this anyway?! Oh yeah I remember now.

Its all Teej's fault. That guy's stuck with me through 7 solid years of enduring bloodstained friendship. Now he's leaving for the states. Again. This time I'm sure he aint gonna be back anytime soon.

Him leaving made me realize how I take all my friends for granted. Yes, I take EVERYONE! for granted. So before its too late and they all start disappearing soon, I'ma make amends starting right now.

I'm sorry. E-hugs and handshakes all around!

Never take anyone for granted. It'll bite you in the ass one day and its going to take a shitload of time before it starts loosening its jaw. People need people. Only a jackass would say something like 'I dont need help!'. Everybody needs help! So help me help you because I seriously want to share what my inner circle has shared with me, good genuine unalduterated friendship.

I dont have any much more to say so I'll just quote the chorus of the song which I've been listening too over and over again for the last 10 mins.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would've stayed up with you all night had I known, how to save a life."

These guys saved mine, for that, I'll be eternally grateful =D

I guess I do got a little more to share but I'm sure you got the msg. So no more mushy for now xD

Cheers guys! Make your friends feel special cuz they are!.... They really are... ^^

S.A.D.

Art by: Plusone

Listening to: Yellow - Tanya Chua

Moik: Shoot! Fiiire!

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S.A.D. Single's Awareness Day! The day I used to call "Valentines"! The make or break day! No more!

Woot! The I used to put a lot of energy and love into everything I did for that someone who caught my eye when this time of the year came. I got tired of it and tried something different! Instead of carefully purchasing and preparing a few choice items for that special someone, I bought MYSELF a kickass plush Turtle! Pathetic right?! And yet I'm still laughing my ass off about it! Hah!

Sigh, the good jive fades all too quickly though as I'm reminded of all the fuzzy wuzzy in the past. Cant help BUT be reminded. *sniff* Good thing mah tootle is squishy enough to hugabuse.

Well screw the past right?! And screw this useless post! LOL!

I wish everyone with a special someone a Happy Valentines Day though...

And hope that today gave them a refresh of how much they love and yadda and blah their partner...

Cheers mates! >:D

Unfocused

Art by: Underfunded

Listening to: Sugar were going down - String Quartet Tribute to Fall Out Boy

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Lost. Feeling a bit wasted. Kinda dizzy. Stomachs a bit squiggly too. Worried. Happy's on hold.

I wanted to do something that I'm sure would've secured my future but cant anymore since my credit and ATM card has been seized to keep me from 'messing up again'

Yeah, I guess I deserved that. After all the blunders I've caused in the recent pass I guess that...

Oh wait! Check this out!

LOL! Thats me and Fifi. Genius artist. Good friend. Check her works out, http://masoliar.deviantart.com/?offset=100. Props to Thes for this spoof, its a good laugh. I look so freakin fugly its hilarious!

Yeah so where was I... oh yeah. I guess I better just live with it. I mean, after all they could be right. When your distorted you gotta depend on the people around you to point the way. Trust them the same way they trusted you even after all the wrongs and dongs you made.

I just realized that I'm still in that stage where I shrug off responsibilites. I'm such a dumbass. How can I drift when I'm still sitting down wanting to drift? How can I see the bigger picture if I'm still too lazy to stand and take a few steps back? How can I need when all I think of are wants? Hah! What an epiphany!

Unfocused. Yup thats another I be. I wanna do this and that and everything so in the end nothing happens. Music. I rock at that! Theater. The stage is my life! Money. Buisness and work I come for ye! Study. I'ma just do that later! Later? Haha, there is no later. Later = Later. Screw the later and get on with the now!

All these things, these factors, this miasma of chaotic intentions blur obvious critical choices and in doing so twist the halfbaked plans into feasible courses of action.

Spin spin spin spin spin... spin spin spin spin...

It spirals down too fast that the rush is mistaken for living the life of time worthitness and thrill. Irreversible yet optimism saves the day because I came across the idea of turning the downward turns upside down till it becomes the inverted corkscrew leading to cloud 9.

A flicker of flame spouts as streaks of smoke mix and mash as everything untangles for me to renew. Sporting a calm smile under city night sky I thought bout stuff till a tickle of satisfaction ushered me to remember old realizations.

With a sigh, I bring happy back into my sytem and laugh at myself for once agian trying to nail everything down in a single go. What a dumbass. Hah!

Finally! Standing up from my stagnant state of existance comes hither!

And I can finally create some smiles from the good souls that kept me from going under...

Sigh...

w 00 t !!!

Cheers everyone! Smile for the cookie!

=D