Recoil

Deviation by: Ladyfish

Listening to: 3 Libras - A Perfect Circle

Moik: Its all good...

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Alright. I'm a bit numb but completely out of concentration is kinda new to my system so bear with me. So how do I begin another tragic tale of absolute breakdown? With a smile of course. =,)

I guess I should have adapted to it by now. The crushing defeat I mean. But I dont thing I ever will. Hell, I dont think anyone could for that matter. The abrupt wave of disappointment coupled with the piercing realization that all was for naught. The sickening hangover that follows the next sunrise and leaves you retarded for the rest of the day. Like all conditions it'll teasingly linger for a while till it finally passes. Nothing compares to this and nothing ever will.

On the recoil is the most confused state I'll ever be. Imagain yourself struggling to make it to a feast of dreamfood and remember all the hardwork and sacrifices you had to make to get there.

Now visualize you being dragged away from that buffet. Struggling to get back to the table as forces beyond your comprehension slowly pull you away. Desperately scrambling your mind for a way to get loose. Sadly wondering to yourself what it could've tasted like. What it could've felt like...

A light. A good sprint. And I was somehow able to shake of the worst of it.

Its funny at first. The bitter irony of how I'm experienced at wordplay. What I confidently say to people. How I cockily advise them with all the wisdom I could dig up. The way I'm able to clearly relay my thoughts and how I'm unable to do so to myself. Unable to relieve myself of the nauseating noise and heartfelt supernova's going off in my mind. The painful booms chaining off in my chest. Its not funny anymore.

I point at the mirror and examine the way the reflection points back. How its silently blaming myself for this weak situation I'm in. Quietly naming out the reasons for this unexpected failure. Crying on the inside for involving it in my tradegy. Weird, yes. Insightful, definitely.

Heh, well...

Went out for an hour over to Junjun's for a talk over a game of chess. Lost 2 times straight. Distracted. But I knew that guy would pull through for me. Him and his sister sured cleared that smog polluting my gut. Sigh, good friends.

To the callous and cautions I wish them strength and urge them to take the opportunity when they come to the leaps of faith in their lives.

To the daredevils and riskbreakers I salute their eagerness and wish them more fun in their thrill seeking.

To everyone else, well, there IS no everyone else. Its either your chilling on the safe side or riding the fire enjoying the fleeting euphoria.

Me? This is the time I usually tuck my head back into my shell and wait for someone to pick me up to take a peek. But right now? I'll be holding my head up high because I've grown out of being destroyed. Chin up is the way to go!

I'm sure I'll recoil soon enough. Not like this is the first time it happened.

Cheers mates! Remember that not everything in the world is fucked up and cold :)