Outsider

"Why is it I still manage to feel lonely in a room full of people?" - ~chelx (D.A.)

Listening to: "Drifting" - Andy Mckee

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Alone, meh.

Family isn't enough to make you feel like you "belong". Friends aren't enough to make you feel "accepted". Nobody feels like you "exist".

Fortunately, I still have my inner circle to turn too. But even they fail me from time to time. Makes me want to go mental knowing that my most trusted could do that.

Am I not trying or am I trying to hard?

Its frustrating. The fact that you've got no pin cushion of your own even though others have already pierced you with their needles. Sickening. The knowledge that nobody cares about your problems but theirs mean the world to you. I feel suicidal since I'm the only one who understands what I'm talking about.

I want to get out. I want to be with people. Feel the feeling of "being with". I cant though. Thanks to my caveman parents and their goddamn superstitions. So I'm left with my lonesome and my thoughts of "what did I miss out on...".

Constantly, I find myself envying the other kids who have been blessed with liberty by their parents. Freedom to do what the wish. Sleepover's, late-nights, a little booze now and then... but I don't share their joys. I'll never will. When I have kids one day, I'll make sure they get to experience all the things that I only dream of. Till then, I don't think I can stop my psyche from crying rivers of sorrow.

I'm living a lonely life. Hell I guess everyone is with the difference being I care and they dont.

Bullshit? Fuck you.

Oh by the way, Merry Christmas.

All this melancholy on Christmas Eve. How ironic.

Explicibanzoomania!

Sigh. Sure has been a while since I bothered doing something bout this blog. Well, since I've neglected to update this net diary of mine, I'ma revive it with the most recent news on my life so far.



I. Rule. =D.

Enjoi.